36 years . . . . a journey

Today is my wedding anniversary – 36 years.  We will celebrate with the kids Wednesday night, grilling juicy Lucy’s.  Can’t wait!

I don’t know about you, but every year when my wedding anniversary comes up, it’s not really the wedding day I remember, but the marriage - the years it took us to get “here”.  “Here” being the operative word.

 

 

I don’t want you to think we have “arrived” when I say, “here”.  Here is a place I am okay with, in fact, I love.  Here is all the changes our relationship has gone through – some good, some bad – but all have brought us “here”.  Here is not the culmination of all our days, but the journey.  Does that make sense? 

 

And what a journey we have had!  I am sure you have had one too.  Every marriage is a journey – a learning experience of sorts, don’t you think?   

 

 

Last weekend, God showed me an excellent “example” to learn (and live) by:

 

I ran to the grocery store and while I was putting my bags in the car, I noticed an elderly couple putting their groceries in the back of their van.  He had obviously had a stroke, his right arm was hanging limp.  He stood crooked.  Yet, he was in the back of the van with the cart, trying to lift the grocery bags in.  His wife stood by the cart, ready to help.  She didn’t look disgusted or annoyed.  She just stood there with him, patiently.  He lifted each bag slowly and tried to pivot his body to get the bag into the van.  She never chastised him; she didn’t grab him, grab the bag or move at all.  She just stood there.  It took him time, but he got it in there. 

I sat and watched them, amazed.  I imagined myself as the wife.  First off, there is no way I could have stood there patiently, especially with a look of respect.  Every fiber in my being would have screamed, “YOU CAN’T DO THIS, I WILL.  I AM CAPABLE.  YOU ARE NOT.  MOVE ASIDE!”

There are hundreds of times in the day I think that about my husband.  SHAME ON ME!  That is not respect.  That is pride.  We are told to respect our husbands.  That has been one of the hardest lessons for me – what is respect and how do I do it? 

Well I can certainly tell you what it ISN”T:

• Chastising him when he can’t hear – its repeating yourself over and over if you have to - calmly and lovingly;
• Ignoring him – its listening with intent to learn.  Its knowing he has something important to say and being thankful he wants to share it with you;
• Putting him second (or third, or fifth) – its putting him first – whether its with your schedule or your love life J;
• Complaining about him to others.  I should be praising him to others- thanking God for him daily (hourly . . . . minutely) as much as possible!

Humbling, huh?  I cannot tell you what a difference respect has made in my marriage!  Every day I am learning new ways to respect Timm.  Do I do it all the time – do I screw up?  Totally!  But then God brings a couple in a parking lot, or a scripture, or something as a gentle reminder –

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.  This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.  Ephesians 5:31-33

God reminds me over and over and of how good He is – how he took a hurting, strong-willed, party girl and introduced her to a shy, God-fearing, stable guy.  They danced, and the rest?   Only God knows.  J