May My Heart See...

I was recently asked the question, "what is love?"  Thinking hard, I found that I could think of what it ISN'T, but for the life of me, couldn't define it.  I know what it feels like, warm, fuzzy . . .  good.  Or maybe that's sitting in front of a fire with a cup of chai tea.  Okay, let's start over.  Love (without truth) isn't love.  True statement.  Love, true love, is telling the truth, no matter how hard it is.  Or how about the theme of the old movie, Love Story.  "Love is never having to say you're sorry".  That's hogwash by the way.  For when you love someone, saying sorry is what you do over and over. As far as I remember, from little on, I wanted to be loved.  For some reason, I never thought I was.  Now I know that was a lie.  To think back on my childhood, I was the first grandchild on my mother's side and her siblings and parents adored me.   Adoration = love?  Yeah, I guess ...

I am a spiritual lesson seeker.  At least once a week, I find a spiritual lesson in something - whether its an occurrence, or when I'm reading my devotions.  Sometimes its in worship.  Most times, though, its every day life, the normal, day to day grind, that makes me stop, take notice and ponder. By spiritual lesson, I mean a "heart" lesson.  Something God tells me, shows me, or teaches me.  I have to smile when I think about it because its usually SO SIMPLE.  You know what I mean?  And because I take everything (literally) "to heart" , these spiritual lessons are life changing.  Sorry if you think I'm being slightly dramatic here, but to me, they really are. Deuteronomy 6:5 says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength."  To me, that's pretty much impossible.  Yet, I pray it. And I truly want it.  But I can't.  I just . . . .  can't.  I'm too full of mysel...

Is it enough to just want to be happy?  I think it takes more than that.  Resolve is good, don't get me wrong, but the condition of the heart HAS to have something to do with it, along with the journeys life takes you on. I'm on a new journey.  I retired January 3rd of this year.  And its August and I'm still getting used to it.  Am I happy I'm retired?  Oh yes!  But am I happy? Maybe. I think its time I RESOLVED to open up my heart to all this journey is.  I'm feeling pretty vulnerable right now.  Hang on, this might not be pretty. In the last eight months, I have realized a few things about myself that has made me feel truly UNhappy.  I could blame this on my mother.  It's tempting to lay the blame on someone else and not own up. Fortunately, I'm not that person anymore (or at least I don't want to be).  I'm owning it and I'm releasing it.  Tootaloo!  (Now that felt good!) So, what is the root of my unh...