Remember the Wonders

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Sometimes I can't believe that my son is gone. All will be going well and I suddenly have a longing to talk to or see Dan and then I just burst into tears. Sadness comes over me, like a deep dead feeling in my gut. Is this normal grieving I wonder? What is normal grieving?  Can you even put the words, "grieving" and "normal" in the same sentence?  Normal is a setting on a dryer. There is no normal.  And grieving? Grief could be my only route to feeling Dan close.  And right now I need him close.  I think of him and it puts a smile on my face. I think of his wife and girls and am filled with hope and love. 

That's gotta be my God. That's my Jehovah Jirah (the Lord will provide). 

         Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always. Remember the wonders He has done ... Psalm 105

Remember, remember, remember.  Remember how good God is .... how He's held me before and He'll hold me again. Remember His Word. Remember Dan's faith and love for his Savior and his family. Think on the wonder of God's creation.  And claim my life verse (over and over):

         And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Know this, not just in my brain, but in my heart. As part of my journey God brought a Christian counselor into my life. After having an anxiety attack and ending up in the hospital, it was clear to me that therapy would be helpful (ya think?) and the next step for me. She encouraged me right from the get-go to be thankful. No matter what.  This was January so Dan was still alive and had already passed the term the doctor have given him.  There was lots to be thankful for. But God (and my counselor) knew I would need practice. That one piece of advice has been life-changing for me. Being thankful put me in a "positive" mode so to speak. To enter His gates with thanksgiving (Psalm 100) - NO MATTER WHAT - helps me in my grieving, my wanting and my loving. The focus is on God, His wonder and His holiness. 

And in that holiness He is above all, over all and in all. He knows all, sees all and is all. He knows my heart, He knows your heart. There is no one like God. No one can hold us in our need like God can.  Whether it's God's creation, or Word, or worship or prayer REMEMBER who He is, what's He's done and His mighty power. 

        Thank You Lord, for hope in times of despair, for light in times of darkness, for assuring me that with You all things are possible.

May your heart be filled with the wonder of our Lord. 💕✟

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