May My Heart See...

I wish I could say that I'm a strong person and my faith was not shattered through the past two years of my son's illness . But that would be a lie . I have been in the pit of despair. I have screamed and wailed and shook my fist at the God of Abraham. And through it all He kept loving me, holding me, filling me, and showing me that my surrender would make me stronger and my weakness would enable me to get through. I was asked, what is your biggest fear about losing your son? My first thought was that  our family would never be the same and I am correct. But I also thought that there's no way we could go on without him. His wife, his children, all of us, how would we endure? But God has shown me over and over that we can get through this but we cannot do it alone.  And being weak and needy is an opportunity for God to show Himself and to love and heal together. God has been preparing me for this devastating event in my life as He has poked and molded and gave and took away ...

 There have been so many changes in my life since I last wrote on this blog -  it's been almost 10 years now. The last two years have been horrendous for my family as my oldest son was diagnosed with stage 4 mesothelioma. I know that from the start of this diagnosis, God has been there, holding me, and speaking to my heart over and over. A lot of those times I didn't want to hear what He had to say because I was so angry and full of myself. But our God is so patient, and He is a peacegiver and through this whole thing, He is working mightily. I could not list all the ways God has blessed me and been with me through this journey with my son and his family. And my son, Dan? He finished so well. I am so proud of him and I miss him everyday. He was man of love and family and goofiness. And not in that order. 😉 (I think its  a hoot that this pic would not insert "correctly")  It took us a while to get pregnant with Dan afte...